


The WDITFAMPTGAG Association

by aliceylain



Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-13
Updated: 2011-01-13
Packaged: 2017-10-14 17:59:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/151954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliceylain/pseuds/aliceylain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a very serious problem is addressed and four pirates try to figure out a solution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The WDITFAMPTGAG Association

**Author's Note:**

> This is fairly ridiculous and merely a vehicle to write funny dialogue. Ah, my soul for a plot...

"Girls," Usopp sighed.

"Girls," Franky echoed.

"Giiiiirls," Sanji swooned.

"Panties," Brook murmured.

All four were in the aquarium room of the Thousand Sunny, having the first meeting of What Does It Take For A Manly Pirate To Get A Girlfriend association. The name was just temporary until someone could think of one less pathetic.

"I still think the problem is the lack of super women in the crew," Franky said morosely.

Sanji jumped to his feet. "NAMI-SWAN AND ROBIN-CHWAN ARE SUPER ENOUGH FOR A THOUSAND WOMEN! A MILLION WOMEN! HOW DARE YOU!"

"Geez, Sanji," Usopp complained. "Calm down! Stop breaking rule number five of the WDITFAMPTGAG rulebook!"

"Gesundheit," Brook said.

"Thank yo- I didn't sneeze!"

"I can't remember what rule five is, Longnose, but I agree that Cook-bro needs to calm down. It's not that Nami and Robin aren't great! It's that there're only two of them and seven guys on this ship."

"Seven shitty guys," Sanji grumped, sitting back down.

"Rule number five! 'Sanji shall refrain from jumping up and shouting Nami and Robin's names at the top of his voice,'" Chopper said. He wasn't technically a member but had given the everyone sad reindeer eyes until they let him be the secretary.

"Good job, Chopper!" Usopp gave him a thumbs up.

"I don't see how more women on board will increase the chances of us fine bachelors finding beautiful women," Brook said, looking thoughtful. "We wouldn't date our own crew, after all."

"Yeah, that'd be weird."

"Speak for yourself, if Robin gave me just one of her come-hither looks..."

"DON'T YOU DARE LAY ONE SHITTY FINGER ON ROBIN-CHAN!"

"Rules number three and five, Sanji, number three and five!"

"Unless, of course, you're saying that the existence of more female crew will make us more attractive?" Brook continued. "How would that work?"

"Well," Franky explained, "we're pirates. Most women would see as a fierce, bloodthirsty, amoral, and completely unapproachable. But if there were more women on board..."

"...they would overlook me being a skeleton, a very dashing and well-coiffed skeleton, but a skeleton nonetheless?"

"Bones-bro, I don't think anything can be done about that. But they might be more willing to date the rest of us."

Usopp sighed. "I think you just want more girls on board to fuel your pervert fantasies."

Both Sanji and Franky leapt to their feet and yelled, "IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT?!"

"Yes! Peeeerverts! No wonder you don't have girlfriends! You should follow the example of the Great Captain Usopp and you would have a girl in every-"

"Oi, Great Captain, rule number seven."

"-port where the name of the island is Syrup. That was what I was going to say, you didn't need to say anything about rule number seven, Sanji."

"But I thought you told me that Kaya was just a friend," Chopper piped up.

"No, you misunderstood me! She's an Almost-Certainly-But-Nothing-Was-Ever-Said-And-I-Haven't-Seen-Her-In-A-Long-Time girlfriend."

"Which means you're in the same girl-less boat as the rest of us," Sanji said. "But I think I'm getting through to Nami-swaaan, she was this close to letting me hold her hand the other day~!"

In response, Brook, Franky, and Usopp pulled out signs that said, "No. She's just not into you," and pointed to them.

"Give me those signs, you bastards, they have to be against a rule!"

"No," Chopper said thoughtfully, flipping through his notebook. "In fact, rule number four says, 'Signs that tell Sanji he's delusional when it comes to girls are highly encouraged.'"

"Yeah, it's easier than saying the same thing over and over and over..."

"And why are there so many rules for me?! What about Brook's panty obsession?!"

"Because it's not an obsession but an unfortunate habit," Brook said solemnly. "Back in my day, the way of greeting a lady and inquiring about her health was to ask to view their undergarments."

Franky snorted. "Yeah, bro. Those were the days when there were five women to every man and every first Tuesday of the month was Mandatory Naked Day."

"Well, that's obviously untrue. It was every first Wednesday."

"Uh, I think Sanji just passed out," Usopp said, looking with some concern at where Sanji was puddled on the floor. "Maybe we need a rule to not mention naked women in the meetings?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Sanji warbled before Chopper could rush over. "No more rules. Unless it's for a Mandatory Naked Women Day, melloriiiiiiiiiine~"

"You can be the one to suggest that to Lady Nami. I'm still feeling the bruise from when she last hit me. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO SKIN TO BRUISE, YOHOHO-"

Rule number twelve!" everyone yelled.

"-hoho? Oh, my apologies."

"Maybe," Chopper said, "you don't have girlfriends because you're on a pirate ship on the Grand Line and never stay in one place for more than a week?"

There was a moment of silence as the What Does It Take For A Manly Pirate To Get A Girlfriend association thought seriously about this.

"Nah," said Franky.

"That makes too much sense! And with this crew, it's never the explanation that makes sense!"

"I've had the pleasure of traveling on another pirate ship," said Brook, "and I had a new girlfriend every month."

"Mandatory Naked Day..." Sanji said, still dazed.

"Oh," Chopper said sadly and then perked up. "I guess you're going to have to have lots more meetings to figure out the reason then!"

"I'll help everyone with my extensive knowledge, since I already have a Kinda-Sorta-Maybe girlfriend already. I can navigate through the choppy waters of single-hood, around the rocks of rejection, all the way to the promised shore of the possibility of holding hands-"

Franky laughed. "Next time, Longnose, next time. We'll get this problem dry-docked, repaired, and floating if we all work on it!"

"Maybe if I painted my bones flesh-colored," Brook mused.

"Naked flesh, melloriiiiine~"  



End file.
